Checking Airplanes Off the Bucket List

About a year ago, J and I were returning from a trip to DC to spend a little time together and take my aunt and uncle up on their offer for us to visit them. It was around that same time that I learned that my kids had their own “bucket list” (although they never called it that) of sorts, which included only two things. 1) Ride on an airplane, and 2) See the ocean. After earning a little extra money from some summer work, J and I decided that the following summer would be a great time to take the older two kids out to DC to visit Mark and Kayo again.

Fast forward to Christmas, when Santa brought plane tickets to the kids for their trip.

Fast forward again, to July, when we had scheduled our trip. We flew out of Des Moines, with Delta. I think I ended up flying in and out of Des Moines four weeks in a row, each time on a different air carrier. Delta was great to the kids, giving them each pilot wings, and making them feel very welcome and comfortable. Delta is one of the few airlines I rode on this year that still provides both snacks and drinks. In fact, they provided a choice of snacks, as well as offering an app to download to watch movies for free on your device. Sometimes they can get a little pricy, but when I booked my tickets it was the cheapest rate, so watch for good deals.

Staying with family can have its own list of considerations when you travel, but Mark and Kayo are great hosts. I always worry about putting them out, or the kids being too loud, but it is so great to have a place to land at the end of the day that isn’t a cramped hotel room. Or to have a home cooked meal instead of eating out all week. Above and beyond that, my aunt Kayo is one of the best cooks you’ll ever meet, mixing her Japanese/Asian inspired flavors with more “traditional fare.” And Mark has outdone himself with his man cave in the basement. The kids loved watching movies, playing pinball, and A became a Dig Dug pro on the Ms. Pacman multicade.

The kids loved getting to know Mark and Kayo as much as anything else on the trip. Kayo and I enjoyed wine at dinner, and lots of adult conversation, and all of us enjoyed Uncle Mark’s evening tradition of an ice cream treat before bed.

We didn’t make it to the ocean on this trip, but we made a ton of memories!

Let's Go to Training Camp!

About a week or so ago we decided that we hadn’t been gone enough this summer and planned a quick trip to the Indianapolis for Colts training camp. I didn’t do a ton of planning prior to the trip, aside from visiting with Josh from Visit Hendricks County and perusing the VisitHendricks County website at the suggestion of fellow North Iowa Blogger Sara Broers of Travel with Sara. Hendricks county is just west of Indianapolis. Beyond that, I remembered that my sister and I had camped near Anderson several years ago when we’d gone to camp, and Googled that it was approximately an 8 hour drive. Apparently it’s a good think I didn’t make any real plans, because even the few plans that I did make changed about 1200 times!

Planning to leave at 8am from Des Moines after having spent the night at the Hyatt Place Downtown after the Midwest Rampage year-end banquet, we of course got on the road at about 9:30am. After a quick stop for coffee, we went home to grab all the bags that I had packed the previous day. Except, you know, I wasn’t as well packed as I thought, and that took a bit longer than planned.

So finally, at 12:30pm (I’d hoped to leave at 10am), with the kids picked up from grandma and the van filled with gas, we hit the road. We made it all the way to Cedar Rapids before we stopped for snacks at McDonald’s. After a few more stops for a little car sickness, we finally made it to Illinois, and didn’t look back until we hit Champaign, where we enjoyed a quick dinner at Fizoli’s and stopped for gas. We opted for Fizoli’s because while technically we can get it at home, we rarely do. Also, it’s cheap. And their breadsticks are delicious. It was a nice, quick stop until Easton fell off his chair, hit his nose, and covered both himself and J with blood in the middle of the restaurant.

About this time, we began to realize that especially with the time zone change, there was NO. WAY. We were going to make it to Anderson, IN at any sort of reasonable hour. So we back to Google we went, finding a place called Shades State Park near Crawfordsville to land for the night. We pulled in at about 10:30pm (remember that 8 hour drive? Not so much…), where they had just closed the reservation/ranger desk for the night. A great guy named Chad told us to go ahead and go in and set up, marked all the available sites on a map, and told us we could come back in the morning to pay and get registered. So glad “Iowa nice” is actually true of the entire Midwest.

We almost set up the tent in record time (a task we had not undertaken for like 4 years), but unfortunately, a pole was broken. So my fabulous husband channeled his inner MacGyver and fixed it back up, finishing the tent assembly process. We got all three kids in bed by 12:30am I think, and slept until 8:30am.

Highlights of Day 1:

• I’m not sure the kids fought even once.
• J and I managed to deal with the trips’ misfortunes without any arguments, either!
• E has quite possibly the funniest, most random personality of anyone I know. And that’s saying something. He would randomly scream out things like, “Staring contest!” or “Fireball!” from the backseat. Getting to spend time with him was a huge highlight of this trip after being away from him more than anyone else this summer. He has also learned every annoying childhood nursery and rhyme from his iPad, and put on quite a show.
• Don’t underestimate the power of “the Google” – who would have thought I could ever have such a go with the flow nature? In a million years? I’m known in my circle as the planner and the social coordinator for a reason, but this summer has definitely taught me a lot about flexibility!
• E seems to have some form of turrets syndrome – I don’t mean to make light of a real issue, it really just is the closest comparison I can give you for the visual of how random and out of the blue some of the things he yells are. For example: “Staring contest!” “Fireball!” “Bazinga!” “Stop cheating!”
• Finally, one of my favorite parts of the whole trip was A telling J that he should let the Colts know that he was (Midwest Rampage) Rookie of the Year because maybe they’d have him come play with them.

Life Lessons from my Summer of Travel

Summer 2015 has been extraordinary, exhausting, exhilarating, exceptional... Probably a whole bunch of other E words. Basically, I haven't been home for a full calendar week since May, and that streak won't end until the middle of August. That's right, I have a couple more adventures to come. But I since I have some time off this week, I wanted to reflect on the lessons I've learned so far from each adventure!

1. Blogger Trip - Chicago, IL

• Going on a trip with 7 people you've never met can be a little intimidating, but absolutely wonderful!
• When everyone else is buying giant bags of popcorn, just trust that they know what they're talking about and get a couple bags yourself. 
• If you can afford the upgrade to "club access" - do it. It's worth it. 
• Flights are never guaranteed. Pack extra underwear. 

2. Blogger Trip - Door County, WI

• Always ask locals where they like to eat - they'll send you to amazing places like Fish Creek Market!
• When you are zip lining, don't push back and away from the platform. 
• Don't be afraid to ask for what you want - you might get to ride go-karts and do paintball

3. Gymnastics Camp - Lincoln, NE

• Always bring sunscreen if you're going to sit by the pool all day
• Gym moms are pretty much the most fun people on the planet
• There is a lot more to Lincoln, NE than one might actually realize - give it a chance! 

4. ISTE 2015 - Philadelphia, PA

• I don't care if you're there for a work conference, make sure you take time to appreciate the amazing history of being in a place like Philadelphia! 
• Cheesesteaks are kind of overrated. And don't believe them when they say you "have" to have it with Whiz. 
• Networking is just as important as going to sessions. Those are the relationships that will benefit you for years to come. 

5. Family Vacation - Washington DC

• Don't feel guilty about not bringing the baby along - you'll miss him, but museums and miles and miles of walking are not going to be fun for either of you
• Let your kids have their own shopping money in a fixed amount ahead of time - it removes the stress of having to factor in the extra added cost as you go
• When you fly Delta, they still give you snacks. This is not true of every airline. It is, however, true of Southwest. 

6. Code.Org Training - Chicago, IL

• Chicago weather is just as hot and humid as Iowa, even if it feels like you're in a completely different place. Be prepared to sweat the minute you go outside.
• The Sheraton Chicago is a top notch place to stay, and you can see the fireworks from one side of the hotel. 
• There are tons of fun things to discover walking along the river. It's not San Antonio, but it's still beautiful - especially at night!

7. ASCD Leader to Leader Conference - Washington DC

• Go big or go home - this actually applies to every trip. You're not going to be there forever, and who knows when you'll get to go back. You're tired? Rest when you get home. Take advantage of every opportunity! Try new things.
• Going outside your comfort zone and making new friends is one of the best parts of travel. Especially if you're going on your own and don't really know anyone. Not very often do I leave a conference/trip actually missing the people I met while there (thinking of them fondly, sure, but missing them?), but this was definitely one of those trips!
• Everyone should see the monuments at night at least once. On the weekends the metro runs until 3am (although you don't have to do it that late!) - take advantage of it. 
• There is always something new (and free) to see in this city, I swear. 
• Do not fly Southwest if you are a family, unless you plan on checking in super early. You pick your own seat on a first come, first served basis - if you're at the back it's definitely going to be tough to find seats together! 

How do you talk to your kids about effort and failure?

My co-worker shared this article, How not to talk to your kids, by Po Bronson, with me yesterday to help me prepare for a conference I attended last week (yes, I was gone again), and it really helped me wrap my head around a clear distinction we want to make for our children.

Basically, Carol Dweck, a guru in "growth mindset" (and the theme of my conference) explains to us that when we praise results, it leads to frustrated children who do not what to try something that they may not be good at. It creates an environment in which children tie self-worth to success. For those children that are addressed with praise for effort, it was much more likely that they enjoyed taking on a challenging task vs taking the easy way out. They enjoyed the process of being pushed. My kids are very much the first kind of kid, though I don't think it's because I only praise their results. I want them to be the second kind of kid, so we work really hard to offer varied experiences for our kids that will challenge them in a variety of ways.

On a side note, what I don't want this to open up is what my team would call the "brown ribbon" debate. The "brown ribbon" is what you get when all the high places/awards have been given out and they've used up all the pretty colors, but they still need to give you a ribbon for participating, so you end up with brown. I don't think kids should receive participation awards for everything they do, that's not the point. I *do* however think that as a parent, it's important to encourage our children through difficult tasks in an authentic way, when they are putting in real time and effort.

Just food for thought this week. I'd love to know what challenges you or your kids face and how you felt about needing to persevere through something that didn't come easily.

When It’s Time to Walk Away… Part 3 – The Gym Mom

As I continued to write about walking away, I realized that my position as a gym mom, by nature, puts me in a very vulnerable spot. Whether it’s gym mom or football wife, my fate and relationships rest in someone else’s hands. And that’s unsettling. No, I don’t expect my kids’ activities to last forever, and I assume husband won’t still be playing in 3-4 different leagues per year for the next 20 years (although he often surprises me). I know all of it will end at some point. But the idea that I don’t get to pick when it ends? That someone else will choose when I walk away from people that I love? It’s hard to accept.

It’s hard enough to not get to go to the games and competitions and watch your kids anymore, but to leave behind the people that shared my joy and my heartbreak? The ones who understood the light grocery month because it’s that time of year to buy new uniforms and warm-ups? The ones who cringe with you when your 34-year-old husband rolls an ankle or takes a particularly hard hit? How do you say goodbye to those friends?

I will support my family - kids and husband - in any decision they make. It’s not my body being put through the physical impact, and of course most of these activities are too expensive to continue doing if it’s not fun anymore. And I often wonder what I would do with all the extra time. Clean my house maybe? Learn a language? And don’t get me started on the miles I put on my car, or the permanent bleacher imprint on my butt, or the early mornings and late nights.

In the last 10 years I’ve watched kids grow up, celebrated weddings, said goodbye to loved ones. I’ve watched families grow, seen champions crowned, and felt the heartbreak of defeat. But at some point I’ll see my last run at Ada Hayden. I won’t spend camp week sitting by the pool with friends. I won’t sit in a diner at 10pm with a table full of linemen. Coming to the realization that I don’t know when it will all go away was eye opening. Literally. I was up writing at 4am. But coming to the realization that I don’t get a say in when it will all go away? Terrifying. Sure, Facebook helps. You see the pictures and catch the basic highlights. But watching SportsCenter isn’t the same as being on the sidelines, and clicking “like” isn’t the same as the hug given or the laugh shared.

So tell me friends, parents who have gone before me, how do you say goodbye when it’s time to walk away?

When It’s Time to Walk Away… Part 2 – The Family

When I sat down to write the original “Time to Walk Away” piece, I started to realize that I was feeling two very separate, yet very entwined, emotions. You can’t walk away from the act (the sport, the job, etc) without walking away from the people that you love. How do you say goodbye to your family? And maybe even harder to accept, how do you say goodbye to family when they are the ones moving on?  

When you put your blood, sweat, and tears into something, literally or metaphorically, it’s nearly impossible not to form a bond with the people down in the trenches doing it with you. Even when you compete against each other, or push each other, you learn to respect each other, and that often turns into caring about each other.

I know, I know, if you're really a family, you've probably formed life long bonds beyond just the job or the sport or the activity. And I think in many cases that is very true. However, I firmly believe there is a very different vibe and relationship between those who are actively involved, and those who have moved on. You no longer have the same practice schedule and travel schedule, you're not sharing the same stories, etc. Life gets in the way, especially when you're living very different lives. 

I have had the opportunity to form relationships with many great people in the last 28 years. I have people in my life that have been there since the day I was born, others only a few short months, and it’s hard to picture life without any of them. But there are also days where I wish I could go back in time, just for a moment, and put the pieces and people back together that have been left behind along the way.

I think it’s harder in sports that transcend grade level, or age. For example, when you play high school sports, you enter it knowing that the team will evolve each year. Freshmen join the ranks, seniors graduate. Saying goodbye is always hard, but is essence, you’ve had four years to prepare yourself. Sure people move or things change, but at the core, school sports are meant to end, and you can prepare yourself for that.

But then there are the teams and people you choose to surround yourself with outside of the school environment. The traveling leagues, the sand volleyball team, the gymnasts. These things transcend grade level, and often location (for those that drive hours each week to participate). You choose to come together as a family to make something great happen. There’s almost an immediate connection formed. There’s an understanding of the pride and passion the individuals surrounding you have in what they came to do. So when it’s time to hang up the grips or the cleats, when it’s time to walk away from the mat, or the field, or the court, is it harder to walk away from the people? From your brothers and sisters?

And again, how do you say goodbye to the people walking away from you? When I travel I always miss my family, but a) I know I’m coming back home, and b) I’m so busy with my conferences and activities that the time flies by. But when you’re the one left at home, it’s tough. You’re wondering what the others are doing, if they’re having fun, if they’re missing you as much. You’re probably starting to figure out that I don’t really have answers for most of these questions.

Facebook helps. Or hurts, I'm not sure. But I dig into that a bit more in Thursday's post. Stay tuned for the final installment, where I talk about what it means when it's time to walk away and you are the "gym mom" in the situation. 

When It’s Time to Walk Away… Part 1 – The Sport

I’m going to frame this in the world of gymnastics, because it’s what I know – personally and as a parent. However, trying to wrap my head around the sadness I felt upon seeing several Facebook posts from husband’s retiring teammates was the catalyst for this three part series.

Each summer I look at our team family and feel like it’s complete. You embrace the newcomers that have been added, but there are the familiar faces that have been a part of your life year after year. Whether it’s the girls you came up with in the pre-team program, or the ones you have watched adorn the walls with trophies season after season, they become fixtures in your world. You can’t imagine the family without them.

Then the day comes that it’s time for one of them to walk away. Life calls you a different direction sometimes, and at some point that day comes. When you’re new to a team, it’s hard to be left behind as others move on. It’s not just about the physical act of competing; it’s about the family you build. R has only been on her team for a year and a half, but I can’t imagine our lives before the people – the moms, the girls, the coaches – that made it so special. From season to season it seems impossible that you won’t walk in and see all those faces again. Will it be the same? Will we have as much fun? It’s never the same, but it can be different fun.

When I sat down to write this piece I couldn’t wrap my head around how you can walk away from something that runs deep in your veins, because as I think about gymnastics and being a gym mom, it isn’t our time yet. As I watch A go to football camp, and the kids train for the Iowa Games, I know that our time is just beginning. So what exactly happens when it’s time to walk away? Is it that you don’t love it anymore? Is it physical? Mental? Then I realized I’ve done it. Twice. I know the familiar ache of not seeing your friends at competitions on the weekends; of longing to do one last pass down a blue mat. I still feel the heartbreak of knowing I’m not walking back into my own classroom to teach kids I’ve spent months or years building relationships with. It’s painful to walk away from something you love and from people you care about. Especially when you know you can still do it. It hurts and there are tears and you wonder if it’s really even the right decision. People tell you that you can go back again, but that’s not always true.

When you live and breathe a sport or even a career, I don’t think closing the door is really even possible. Nor am I positive most of us even want to completely close the door. So how do you know when it’s time to be done? How do you know that it’s your final time on the floor?